Why

I think that I have come to a cross roads in my life. I have all of these ideas and things that I want to do but I have no clue how. Growing up knowing that my childhood was robbed from me has made it really hard for me to have a passion for much of anything. I may seem to have it all figured out but I don’t. For years I would spend obscene amounts of time alone because I thought I wasn’t worth having a friend or someone that could make me happy, truly. Part of that I guess had to do with me learning to protect myself from the world because I never wanted to feel taken advantage of again. I’m not depressed, I just am now realizing that I have no clue what I am doing with my life. I have been running for so long and now that I got the inspiration I so needed, I just don’t know what to do now. Do I regret holding myself back and not allowing myself to feel things that I should have? Yea I do. I can put on a show for everyone around me and make them think I’m alright, I’m happy and I don’t need anyone; but as I have learned being alone all the time really sucks. I regret not seeking after any sort of passion in my life and yea I may only be 22 but there are so many aspects of life that I have not experienced because instead of embracing that new avenue I have run from it. But I don’t want to run anymore. I want to experience the true joys of life and feel the things that I haven’t. I want to know what it is like to be happy, really happy; not just the facade that I have displayed for so long.

I want to be happy. I need someone to tell me it’s all going to be alright and I needn’t worry. Please.