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epiphany

epiphany

i dont feel so good,im going to throw up. want to lose consciousness,wont give up
im going to get sick,coffee perhaps is the cigarettes. all falling down,like dominoes
barriers invisible,they never really were up. jus dawned on me,set myself up for failure
alwayz. who do u trust,when ur family sells u out,who do u turn to,when ur entire world
comes crashing down.atonce. purpose,i dont really care. to know hurts more than the
unwantful glares. it truely has gotten that bad,everywhere i look folks gone mad. i,i
cannot even cry,tho these tears,i keep trying to fight, and if maybe i do keep writting
i can break free from all the fighting. it is jus not fair,is bad timing,y does one not have
the guts to say,i really jus dont want you here,why?,does it alwayz have to b my fault
my choice,tho i know deep down,i keep doing this to me. how come i tried so hard to
keep,everythought,every inkling to myself. and i keep hearing,u dont have to b here,tis
ur choice,u can go if u want...i dont understand,i wish the tears would jus fall to the keys
so i can feel something other than betrayel. i want to know i need to know,and when the thought creeps up on me,tis too much to bare,my own blood,neighbors,ones who say
they love me,all in the name of "how can i serve you,what is it i can help u with" so
twisted,such cowardness,for who am i that makes one fear,who am i that makes
one so hateful,who does not want me here. tho i know,i feel it,proof,how people deal with
choices they make concerning themselves,and somehow,it is all my fault. since when
was it wrong,to want to live. since when was it wrong,to care. since when was it wrong
to have such passion,that it has taken my life,all these packs of wolves,hit after hit,no not drugs!,lie after lie,betrayal deceived,when did pity turn in wanting to know truth. so many ?
i will never understand,even when the answer is embedded in my head. since when was it
so wrong,to simply live a life of serving one after the other,until my heart is broken,and i wish there to b no breath left. since when was it a crime,to care for someone so much,u walk
away from everyone u know. when was the last time,someone other than i thought about someone other than themselves. i wish i was dumb,i wish i could feel numb,i wish i never
knew how people truely felt,i wish i never did this to myself,i wish oh how i wish this
chit i was neva dealt. and when does it end,like said,u r supposed to b able to trust at least
one person,just one. tho right now all i see is screen,i can turn my head left or right,forward or behind,and every person has stuck their knife in my spirit so deep. i dont want to b this way anymore,i dont want to care. i want to b left alone,i need peace,the only place i have ever felt it was in my thoughts,now that i know there is no soul on this earth to trust,now i know there is
no one who ever gave a fuhck,i want really to continue to be me,is it to much to ask,to simply be. should i have to change,for i am good people,it is the stuff i say,would never say it if was not provoked,is the stuff i know,what good is wisdom hoarded? wtf,it is so not fair,i cannot believe i lived,and tried,so hard for this,the smiles r so fake. the laughter is so noticed.
like said,all sides,turned on me~i just dont want to believe this is happening.

can have my tears,can have my breathe,take from me what is left
can promise new tommorows,can lie bout no more pain
can have everything,can now truely wish the ***** of me.