Got any Jokes?plase them here

Got any Jokes?plase them here

I never have quite figured out why the sexual urges of men & women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Mars & Venus thing. And, I never have figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart. And, I never yet have figured out how the sexual desire gene gets thrown into a state of turmoil, when it hears the words "I do".

One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

I said, "WHAT??" So she says the words that I and every husband on the planet dreads. She explains that I must not be in tune with her emotional needs as a Woman. I'm thinking, "What was her first clue?"

I finally realize that nothing is going to happen that night, so I went to bed. The very next day we went shopping at a big unnamed department store... I walked around while she tried on three very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her to take all three of them.

She then tells me that she wants matching shoes worth $200 each to which I say OK. And then we go to the Jewelry Dept. where she gets a set of diamond earrings. Let me tell you ...she was so excited. She must have thought that I was one wave short of a shipwreck, but I don't think she cared. I think she was testing me when she asked for a tennis bracelet because she doesn't even play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I told her that it was OK.

She was almost sexually excited from all of this and you should have seen her face when she said, "I'm ready to go, let's go to the cash register."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No, honey. I don't feel like buying all this stuff now." You should have seen her face ... it went completely blank. I then said, "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while."

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "You must not be in tune with my financial needs as a Man."

I figure that I should be having sex again sometime during the Spring thaw.

Hozzászólások ehhez a Forum Topichez

lmao fuk pants hahahha Smiling hope the hot nerd doesnt read them Sticking out tongue

remember the triangle
dr doris the living legend
pinkrawks/dippo can get bent but i love poepy/dipclit

Laughing out loud Laughing out loud Laughing out loud

Official P!nkian >> 'P!nk's Panty Hoe!'
# Amen! Long Live P!nk #

Don't mess with WELLARD

A guy walks into a bar, sits down next to another guy and immediately notices the guy has a very large Bic cigarette lighter.

The first guy says "Wow, cool lighter...where did you get it?"

"A genie from a bottle granted me one wish."

"Great, can I try it?"

"Sure."

First guy rubs the bottle and the genie appears. "You are granted one wish says the genie."

The guy says, "I want a million bucks!"

"Done" says the genie and disappears.

A few minutes go by and suddenly the bar door swings open and in come pouring in ducks. Thousands and thousands of ducks falling all over each other through the bar door.

"I can't believe this," says the guy who had just placed his wish, "I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks!"

The second guy then says, "Do you really think I wished for a 12" Bic?"

There were three prostitutes living together: a mother, a daughter and a grandmother. One night the daughter came home looking very down."How did you do tonight, dear?"asked her mother."Not too good."replied the daughter, "I only got 20 dollars for a blow job""Wow!" said the mother, "In my day, we were glad to get 5 dollars for a blow job!""Good God!" said the Grandmother, "In my day, we were glad to just get something warm in our stomachs!"

Two women are hiking in the woods. After an hour or so, they come to a stream. Unable to cross, they decide to walk along the stream and look for a narrower place. Fortunately they come to a place where they can cross and proceed.Halfway across, one woman stops and says to the other, "I've always wanted to be like the guys, and urinate in a stream." The other woman looks around and says, "well, I don't see anyone around, now's your chance!" The first woman drops her hiking shorts and squats. As she begins to urinate, she looks down. "Holly s***!" she exclaims, "I just pissed on a man in a canoe!" Alarmed, the second woman hurries over, and peeks at the stream. "Calm down," she says. "That wasn't a canoe you pissed in, it was only your reflection."

Q. WHATS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A WIFE AND A JOB?

A. AFTER TEN YEARS A JOB STILL SUCKS!

new durex condom slogans
1. cover ya stump b4 u hump
2. dont b a loner cover ya boner
3. if u think she's spunky ( means beauitful) cover ya monkey
4. dont b a fool cover ya tool
5. wrap your bait b4 u mate
6. plug ya funnel then enter the tunnel
7. package your meat 4 a real nice treat
8. rap that wanger b4 u bang her
9. if your nude then tube your dude
10. cover your didle then fiddle her middle

--
ITS ALL ABOUT THE TRIANGLE

DR DORIS THE LIVING LEGEND .... BLESSED AND BRANDED BY THE GODDESS,WETTING WALKER'S WHISTLE , AND CUDDLING WITH CAREY Sticking out tongue

POEPY AND DIPCLIT MMMMMMMM GAY GERMS HE WILL LOVE IT WIPE SUM MOORE

PINK'S BANGED UP HOE"

remember the triangle
dr doris the living legend
pinkrawks/dippo can get bent but i love poepy/dipclit

haha punchy funny x)

--
--P!nk's funny hoe!! --
...♪I'm not Dead F***ers!!! ♪♫...
^^Amen, long live to P!NK!!! =D^^
3> love ya'll my 3 VIF <3

--P!nk's funny hoe!! --
...♪I'm not Dead F***ers!!! ♪♫...
^^Amen, long live to P!NK!!! =D^^
3> love ya'll my 3 VIF <3

a man goes on a holiday to the holy land with his wife and mother in law halfway through their trip the mother in law has a fatal hart attack. an undertaker explains that they can ship the body home but it wil cost 5000 grand. the alternative is to bury her in the holy land for 500 bucks. we'll have her shipped home says the son in law. are u sure asks the undertaker thats an awfully big expense and i assure u we do a very nice burial here. look says the son in law 2000 years ago they buried a guy here and 3 days later he rose from the dead i just cant take the chance.
BOOM TISH BOOM TISH BOOM TISH Smiling

--
ITS ALL ABOUT THE TRIANGLE

DR DORIS THE LIVING LEGEND .... BLESSED AND BRANDED BY THE GODDESS,WETTING WALKER'S WHISTLE , AND CUDDLING WITH CAREY Sticking out tongue

POEPY AND DIPCLIT MMMMMMMM GAY GERMS HE WILL LOVE IT WIPE SUM MOORE

PINK'S BANGED UP HOE"

remember the triangle
dr doris the living legend
pinkrawks/dippo can get bent but i love poepy/dipclit

Yo mommas sooo fat, that when she jumped her tits knocked pluto out of the solar system. haha i know this seems kinda corny but i laughed so hard when i first read it.

bring some life to this topic again!
its funny Sticking out tongue

--
--P!nk's funny hoe!! --
...♪I'm not Dead F***ers!!! ♪♫...
^^Amen, long live to P!NK!!! =D^^
3> love ya'll my 3 VIF <3

--P!nk's funny hoe!! --
...♪I'm not Dead F***ers!!! ♪♫...
^^Amen, long live to P!NK!!! =D^^
3> love ya'll my 3 VIF <3

Sticking out tongue

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I'm not dead just floating... somewhere in La La Land Smiling
"I Love U twin..." he he he Sticking out tongue

UR MAD FUK PANTS LMAO

--
it's all about the triangle

I LOVE U DOCTOR DORIS Eye-wink
CUM Eye-wink HOME POEPY AND DIPs*** OPPS I MEAN DIPPO I MISS YAS AND LOVE YAS
PLEASE GOLDEN CHILDREN COM HOME SOON AS WELL

remember the triangle
dr doris the living legend
pinkrawks/dippo can get bent but i love poepy/dipclit

A man is out shopping and discovers a new brand of Olympic condoms. Clearly impressed, he buys a pack. Upon getting home he announces to his wife the purchase he just made.

"Olympic condoms?" she asks, "What makes them so special?"

"There are three colors," he replies, "Gold, Silver and Bronze."

"What color are you going to wear tonight?" she asks cheekily.

"Gold of course," says the man proudly.

The wife responds, "Really, why don't you wear Silver, it would be nice if you came second for a change!"

--
I'm not dead just floating... somewhere in La La Land Smiling
"I Love U twin..." he he he Sticking out tongue

What's the difference between a bar and a g-spot?
Most men have no trouble finding a bar. Laughing out loud

--
I'm not dead just floating... somewhere in La La Land Smiling
"I Love U twin..." he he he Sticking out tongue

Two men at a bar had been enjoying a few drinks for the past couple of hours and were pretty drunk when one of them notices a beautiful woman sitting in the corner. One says to the other, "Jeez, I'd really like to dance with that girl."

The other man replies, "Well go ahead and ask her, don't be a chicken s***."

So the man approaches the lovely woman and says, "Excuse me. Would you be so kind as to dance with me?"

Seeing the man is totally drunk the woman says, "I'm sorry. Right now I'm concentrating on matrimony and I'd rather sit than dance."

So the man humbly returns to his friend.

"So what did she say?" asks the friend.

The drunk responded, "She said she's constipated on macaroni and would rather s*** in her pants."

--
I'm not dead just floating... somewhere in La La Land Smiling
"I Love U twin..." he he he Sticking out tongue

An eye-doctor was having his 40th birthday, and gathered lots of friends and family in his house. His wife had made him a surprise cake, and led her husband blindfolded to a table where the cake was placed.

Eagerly the doctor removed the blindfold and looked down on the cake. He immediately burst into a crazed laughter, for there in front of him was a huge cake, with 40 marzipan eyes!

The guests asked him why he laughed, and after some minutes of laughing and wiping his eyes, the doctor said: "I'm just thinking of my buddy who will be 50 next week, who is a gynecologist!"

--
I'm not dead just floating... somewhere in La La Land Smiling
"I Love U twin..." he he he Sticking out tongue

A man walked into a crowded doctor's office. As he approached the desk, the receptionist asked, "Yes sir, may we help you?"

"There's something wrong with my d***," he replied.

The receptionist became aggravated and said, "You shouldn't come into a crowded office and say things like that."

"Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you," he said.

"We do not use language like that here," she said. "Please go outside and come back in and say that there's something wrong with your 'ear' or whatever."

The man walked out, waited several minutes and reentered.

The receptionist smiled smugly and asked, "Yes?"

"There's something wrong with my 'ear'," he stated.

The receptionist nodded approvingly, "And what is wrong with your ear, sir?"

"I can't piss out of it," the man replied.

--
I'm not dead just floating... somewhere in La La Land Smiling
"I Love U twin..." he he he Sticking out tongue

heyyy cant wait that you put some more fluffy Laughing out loud
thxx^^

--
--P!nk's funny hoe!! --
...♪I'm not Dead F***ers!!! ♪♫...
^^Amen, long live to P!NK!!! =D^^
3> love ya'll my 3 VIF <3

--P!nk's funny hoe!! --
...♪I'm not Dead F***ers!!! ♪♫...
^^Amen, long live to P!NK!!! =D^^
3> love ya'll my 3 VIF <3

haha fluffy you made me laugh with the filling the blanks joke Laughing out loud well yes i guess my mind is dirty Sticking out tongue

--
> Jessica
* ''make up ur mind coz its now or never''
-- P!nk's fist hoe
# Pinkianity and Pinkians forever
< one big, crazy, holy, nice, amazing Pinkian Family
^ love you all my 3 VIF Sticking out tongue Smiling

> Jessica
* ''make up ur mind coz its now or never''
-- P!nk's fist hoe
# Pinkianity and Pinkians forever
< one big, crazy, holy, nice, amazing Pinkian Family
^ love you all my 3 VIF Sticking out tongue Smiling

What do you call a man with half a brain?

gifted

--
"I would like to release all the animals and chain up all the people"
-P!nk

Hey Nini..
I've got a few moore, I'll put them on 2moro Smiling

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I'm not dead just floating... somewhere in La La Land Smiling
"I Love U twin..." he he he Sticking out tongue

ohwww im missing reading jokes on here Sad
anybody have some to put on here? x)

--
--P!nk's funny hoe!! --
...♪I'm not Dead F***ers!!! ♪♫...
^^Amen, long live to P!NK!!! =D^^
3> love ya'll my 3 VIF <3

--P!nk's funny hoe!! --
...♪I'm not Dead F***ers!!! ♪♫...
^^Amen, long live to P!NK!!! =D^^
3> love ya'll my 3 VIF <3

He he he I'm back again.. Just got the one tonight for yas though..

How fast can you guess the words??
1. Boo_s
2. _ _ndom
3. F_ _k
4. P_n_s
5. Pu_s_
6. S_x
7. _u_t

Answers
1. Books
2. Random
3. Fork
4. Pants
5. Pulse
6. six
7. Aunt
You got all 7 wrong didn't you??? You dirty minded Peeps Laughing out loud

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I'm not dead just floating... somewhere in La La Land Smiling
"I Love U twin..." he he he Sticking out tongue

And thus the counsellor saved their marriage... Laughing out loud
I promise to post some jokes soon. Smiling

--
I'd love to change the world
But I don't know what to do
So I'll leave it up to you...

(No offensive text in this signature field from now on)

After just a few years of marriage filled with constant arguments, a young man and his wife decided the only way to save their marriage was to try counseling. They had been at each other's throats for some time and felt that this was their last straw.

When they arrived at the counsellor's office, the counselor jumped right in and opened the floor for discussion. "What seems to be the problem?"

Immediately, the husband held his long face down without anything to say. In contrast, the wife began talking 90 miles an hour, describing all the wrongs within their marriage.

After 15 minutes of listening to the wife, the counselor went over to her, picked her up by her shoulders, kissed her passionately and sat her back down. Afterwards, the wife sat speechless.

The marriage counselor looked over at the husband, who stared in disbelief. The counselor said to the husband, "Your wife NEEDS that at least twice a week!"

The husband scratched his head and replied, "I can have her here on Tuesdays and Thursdays."

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I'm not dead just floating... somewhere in La La Land Smiling
"I Love U twin..." he he he Sticking out tongue

14 years of sex in the dark wife finds out hes been using a dildo.. wife says explain the dildo fool.....hubby replies...well explain the kids b****!!!!

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I'm not dead just floating... somewhere in La La Land Smiling
"I Love U twin..." he he he Sticking out tongue

Gary and Martin were standing at the urinals in a public toilet, when Gary glanced over and noticed that Martin's penis was twisted like a corkscrew. "Wow," Gary said. "I've never seen one like that before."

"Like what?" Martin said.

"All twisted like a pig's tail," Gary said.

"Well, what's yours like?" Martin said.

"Straight, like normal," Gary said.

"I thought mine was normal until I saw yours," Martin said.

Gary finished what he was doing and started to give his old boy a shakedown prior to putting it back in his pants. "What did you do that for?" Martin said.

"Shaking off the excess drops," Gary said. "Like normal."

"f*** !," Martin said. "And all these years I've been wringing it."

He he he Laughing out loud

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I'm not dead just floating... somewhere in La La Land Smiling
"I Love U twin..." he he he Sticking out tongue

The man says, "Set me up with seven whiskey shots and make them doubles." The bartender does this and watches the man slug one down, then the next, then the next, and so on until all seven are gone almost as quickly as they were served. Staring in disbelief, the bartender asks why he's doing all this drinking.

"You'd drink them this fast too if you had what I have."

The bartender hastily asks, "What do you have pal?"

The man quickly replies, "a dollar."

--
I'm not dead just floating... somewhere in La La Land Smiling
"I Love U twin..." he he he Sticking out tongue

A very good looking man walks into a singles bar, gets a drink and has a seat. During the course of the evening he tries to chat with every single woman who walks into the bar, with no luck.
Suddenly a really ugly man walks into the bar. He sits at the bar, and within seconds he is surrounded by women. Very soon he walks out of the bar with the two of the most beautiful women you ever saw.

Disheartened by all this, the good looking man asks the barman, 'Excuse me, but that really man just came in here and left with those two stunning women - what's his secret?
I'm everything a girl could want but have not been able to connect all night - What's going on?'

'Well,' Said the Barman, 'I don't know how he does it, but he does the same thing every night.

He walks in, orders a drink, and just sits there licking his eyebrows...'

--
I'm not dead just floating... somewhere in La La Land Smiling
"I Love U twin..." he he he Sticking out tongue

He He He Laughing out loud

--
I'm not dead just floating... somewhere in La La Land Smiling
"I Love U twin..." he he he Sticking out tongue

HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! Sticking out tongue (what an appropriate smiley too!!)

--
Official P!nkian >> 'P!nk's Panty Hoe!'
# Amen! Long Live P!nk #

Don't mess with WELLARD

Official P!nkian >> 'P!nk's Panty Hoe!'
# Amen! Long Live P!nk #

Don't mess with WELLARD

A couple just got married and on the night of their honeymoon before passionate love, the wife tells the husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin." The husband being shocked, replied, "How's this possible? You've been married three times before." The wife responds, "Well, my first husband was a gynecologist and all he wanted to do was look at it. My second husband was a psychiatrist and all he wanted to do was talk about it. Finally, my third husband was a stamp collector and all he wanted to do was...oh, do I miss him!"

he he he Smiling

--
I'm not dead just floating... somewhere in La La Land Smiling
"I Love U twin..." he he he Sticking out tongue

A guy walks into a sperm donor bank wearing a ski mask and holding a gun. He goes up to the nurse and demands her to open the sperm bank vault. She says "But sir, its just a sperm bank!", "I don't care, open it now!!!" he replies. So she opens the door to the vault and inside are all the sperm samples. The guy says "Take one of those sperm samples and drink it!", she looks at him "BUT, they are sperm samples???" , "DO IT!". So the nurse sucks it back. "That one there, drink that one as well.", so the nurse drinks that one as well. Finally after 4 samples the man takes off his ski mask and says, "See honey - its not that hard."

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I'm not dead just floating... somewhere in La La Land Smiling
"I Love U twin..." he he he Sticking out tongue

THE SAD LIFE OF A PENIS: I've only got 1 eye, my hairs a mess, my relatives are nuts, my neighbours an a**hole, my best mates a c*** an my owners a wanker!

--
I'm not dead just floating... somewhere in La La Land Smiling
"I Love U twin..." he he he Sticking out tongue

Q: What do you call a pig with three eyes?
A: A piiig.
-----------
A very drunk man comes out of the bar and sees another very drunk man.
He looks up in the sky and says, "Is that the sun or the moon?"
The other drunk man answers, "I don't know. I'm a stranger here myself."
------------
An elementary school teacher sends this note to all parents on the first day of school:
"If you promise not to believe everything your child says happens at school, I will promise not to believe everything your child says happens at home."
------------
Why couldn't Cinderella be a good soccer player?
She lost her shoe, she ran away from the ball, and her coach was a pumpkin.

--
I'll look for you first
In my next life<3

I'll look for you first
In my next life<3

There was an elderly man who wanted to make his younger wife pregnant. So, he went to the doctor to have a sperm count done. The doctor told him to take a specimen cup home, fill it, and bring it back the next day. The elderly man came back the next day and the specimen cup was empty and the lid was on it.

Doctor: What was the problem?

Elderly man: Well, you I tried with my right hand...nothing. So, I tried with my left hand...nothing. My wife tried with her right hand...nothing. Her left hand...nothing. Her mouth...nothing. Then my wife's friend tried. Right hand, left hand, mouth....still nothing.

Doctor: Wait a minute. You mean your wife's friend too?!

Elderly man: Yeah, and we still couldn't get the lid off of the cup.

--
-"Burn this f*cker down!"

fuck Pangea (dont ask)

AMEN! LONG L!VE P!NK!!
Spreading P!nkianity
*P!nk's Feisty Hoe*
boy thats a long signature... so why are u stil reading it??
did i say FUCK pangea yet?? well jus incase, fuck pangea

-"Burn this f*cker down!"

fuck Pangea (dont ask)

AMEN! LONG L!VE P!NK!!
Spreading P!nkianity
*P!nk's Feisty Hoe*

Lmao, Jm.. good one Smiling

--

I wear my scars proudly. They represent the battles through which I have gone, and I am proud because those battles I have won.

A husband comes home and tells his wife he’s going to get a tattoo of a $100 bill on his penis. His wife asks him why he would do such an idiotic thing.
“Well,” he says, “I like to play with my money. I like to see my money grow. And, if you feel the need to blow $100, you won’t have to go to the mall.

--
-"Burn this f*cker down!"

AMEN! LONG L!VE P!NK!!
Spreading P!nkianity
*P!nk's Feisty Hoe*

-"Burn this f*cker down!"

fuck Pangea (dont ask)

AMEN! LONG L!VE P!NK!!
Spreading P!nkianity
*P!nk's Feisty Hoe*

hmm this ones from a txt off my mobile lol, but geez its funny.. Smiling

Q – Why was the rooster happy when the cat fell on the pond?
A – Cause a wet p.u.s.s.y is a cocks delight

--

I wear my scars proudly. They represent the battles through which I have gone, and I am proud because those battles I have won.

Ha ha ha, think this was taken from the herald newspaper page 2 was funnier than the joke.. lol lol

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I wear my scars proudly. They represent the battles through which I have gone, and I am proud because those battles I have won.

this was in the herald sun newspaper this morning page 2

Bob's great aunt was Fanny MItchell.She married Bill Dickey and became Fanny Dickey
lmao ha ha

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it's all about the triangle
I LOVE U DOCTOR DORIS Eye-wink
dippo and poepy can go and fuk them selves.
oooooooo ahhhhhhhhhh michael i dont care(y) wat shes says about ya i think ya a caring man mmmmmm pedsmf get bent mate u r such a suck up

remember the triangle
dr doris the living legend
pinkrawks/dippo can get bent but i love poepy/dipclit

fuk pants u crack me up lol lol

--
it's all about the triangle
i love u doris
dippo and poepy can go and fuk them selves.
oooooooo ahhhhhhhhhh michael i dont care(y) wat shes says about ya i think ya a caring man mmmmmm pesdmf get bent mate u r such a suck up

remember the triangle
dr doris the living legend
pinkrawks/dippo can get bent but i love poepy/dipclit

A FIREMAN came home from work one day and told his wife, "You know, we have a wonderful system at the fire station: BELL 1 rings and we all put on our jackets, BELL 2 rings and we all slide down the pole, BELL 3 rings and we're on the fire truck ready to go.

"From now on when I say BELL 1, I want you to strip naked. When say BELL 2, I want you to jump in bed. And when I say BELL 3, we are going to make love all night." The next night he came home from work and yelled, "BELL 1!" The wife promptly took all her clothes off.

When he yelled "BELL 2!", the wife jumped into bed. When he yelled "BELL 3!", they began making love. After a few minutes the wife yelled "BELL 4!" "What the hell is BELL 4?" asked the husband?

"ROLL OUT MORE HOSE," she replied, "YOU'RE NOWHERE NEAR THE FIRE."

--

I wear my scars proudly. They represent the battles through which I have gone, and I am proud because those battles I have won.

Joe comes to his dad and says:
- Daddy, I f***ed grandma.
- But, Joe, she's your grandma!!
- So what? You f**k my mum, I f**k yours.

--
I'll look for you first
In my next life<3

I'll look for you first
In my next life<3

Q: Why don't women blink during foreplay?

A: They don't have time.

--

I wear my scars proudly. They represent the battles through which I have gone, and I am proud because those battles I have won.

So God calls to Adam and says, "Adam, I have some good news and some bad news. What do you want to hear first?"
Adam replies, "The good news."
God answers, "Well, the good news is I gave you a penis and a brain."
Then Adam says, "OK, so what's the bad news?"
And God says, "I only gave you enough blood to operate one at time."

--

I wear my scars proudly. They represent the battles through which I have gone, and I am proud because those battles I have won.

A guy goes to pick up his date for the evening. She's not ready yet, so he has to sit in the living room with her parents. He has a bad case of gas and really needs to relieve some pressure.
Then, the family dog jumps up on the couch next to him. He decides that he can let a little fart out and if anyone notices they will think that the dog did it.
He farts, and the woman yells, "Spot, get down from there."
The guy thinks, "Great, they think the dog did it." He releases another fart, and the woman again yells for the dog to get down.
This goes on for a couple more farts.
Finally the woman yells, "Dammit Spot, get down before he s***s on you."

--

I wear my scars proudly. They represent the battles through which I have gone, and I am proud because those battles I have won.

Tarzan had been living alone in his jungle kingdom for 30 years with only apes for company, and suitably shaped holes in trees for sex.
Jane, a reporter, came to Africa in search of this legendary figure. Deep in the wilds she came to a clearing and discovered Tarzan vigorously thrusting into a jungle oak.
She watched in awe for a while. Finally, overcome by this display of animal passion Jane came out into the open and offered herself to him.
As she reclined on the wild grass Tarzan ran up to her and gave her a big kick in the crotch.
In pain she screamed "What the hell did you do that for?"
Tarzan replied, "Always check for squirrels."

--

I wear my scars proudly. They represent the battles through which I have gone, and I am proud because those battles I have won.

One morning while making breakfast, a man walks up to his wife and pinches her on her butt and says, "You know if you firmed this up we could get rid of your girdle."
While this was on the edge of intolerable, she thought herself better and replied with silence.
The next morning the man woke his wife with a pinch on the breast and said, "You know if you firmed these up we could get rid of your bra."
This was beyond a silence response, so she rolled over and grabbed him by the penis. With a death grip in place she said, "You know if you firmed this up we could get rid of your brother.

--

I wear my scars proudly. They represent the battles through which I have gone, and I am proud because those battles I have won.